


SOULMATES: TRUTH OR FICTION?? THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU

by wingedcatgirl



Category: Puyo Puyo (Video Games)
Genre: Aspec fest 2019, Gen, ITT satan (puyo puyo) is a stalker and a pest, Platonic Soulmates, aro ace character gets mad about relationship expectations, canon-typical bullshit, everyone is just standing around in a field idk all i have is dialogue, i'm not personally against arle/satan but this particular fic ended up looking rather anti-that, if you already figured out the entire plot just from the tags you win one (1) Internet Point, please remember that in relationship tags a / means romance while an & means friendship, soulmate premise but subverted, the clickbait title is a joke i'm just bad at titling, y'know how canon has that 'everyone is 16 forever' thing? fuck that they're in their 20s now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-11-26 02:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20922707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedcatgirl/pseuds/wingedcatgirl
Summary: In which Satan unveils a new invention and gets his hopes up again, while Arle remains unamused.





	SOULMATES: TRUTH OR FICTION?? THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU

**Author's Note:**

> ATUHOR'S NOSE: To be fair, I never really liked the traditional idea of soulmates.

"Attention everyone! I have gathered you all here today for a very important announcement." Satan, the Dark Prince of Puyo Hell, looked incredibly smug today. More so than usual, even.

His expression was setting Arle on edge. When Satan looked smug, something annoying was about to happen. She clutched Carbuncle tightly, patting his head.

"Guu," he guu'd reassuringly.

"Good point, Carby," Arle said. "If he tries something, I can just blast him. ... Again."

"I am pleased to announce that I have completed my life's work, -"

"Life's work?" Schezo said. "You're immortal!"

Satan huffed huffily. "My _most recent_ life's work. Obviously I'll need a new one now that I've completed this."

A pause.

Arle sighed. "Okay, I'll bite. What is it?"

"I've invented a brand new spell!" Satan declared. "One which for many years even I believed impossible! One which I hope will allow me to begin on my _next_ life's work right away..." He produced a magic scroll. "A spell for detecting the presence of soulmates."

"Give me that," Arle said, snatching the scroll out of his hand.

"Hey, be careful with that, Arley!"

"Pff, I know you made backups, you're not _completely_ clueless."

"Of course I have backups, but it's the _principle_ of the thing!"

Arle was ignoring him and analyzing the scroll's magic circles. "... This part could be 3% more efficient."

"I did ask you for help, you know."

"Really? Must've gotten buried under all the unwanted romantic overtures." She frowned. "Well, what do you know. This spell really will detect if both sides of a soulmate bond are in a radius of a few yards from the caster."

Satan grinned with glee.

"Conditional, of course, on soulmates being a thing in the first place, which they _aren't_!"

The grin vanished. "What are you talking about, Arley?"

"I had a soulmate phase a few years back - you wouldn't know, I went out of my way to keep it from you - and you know what I found? Nothing. There is no evidence whatsoever that soulmates exist. Anywhere."

Satan gesticulated inarticulately for a moment. "But. You said the spell works. How can you know it works to detect soulmates if you think soulmates aren't real?"

"Look here," Arle said, pointing at one circle on the scroll. "Instead of assuming magic already knows what soulmates are, you defined the concept yourself. So the spell will definitely return true in the presence of 'persons with a permanent and indestructible bond between their souls, which ensures that they will remain connected for all time'. And that was pretty clever, except for the part where that isn't -"

"It _is_ a thing!" Satan protested. "I had test subjects! I do know how science works, you know!"

"Forgive me for interrupting," Accord interrupted, "but couldn't you simply cast the spell and see if it works or not?"

Arle frowned and scrutinized the scroll some more. "... Yeah, sure. I was worried this might have a backdoor in it -" ("I would _never_!" Satan protested) "- but no, it really only rings positive in the presence of a soul bond, so..." She quickly traced a magic sigil in the air, "S_oulmates Revealed!_"

Immediately, magical fireworks and wedding bells went off.

This continued for an annoying amount of time.

"Completely over the top and unnecessary. Very Satan."

"Guu!"

Eventually the celebration died down.

"Well, you got me, Satan," Arle admitted.

"Does that mean you finally accept my hand in marriage?!"

"What? No, don't be stupid. You've convinced me that _soulmates are a thing_. But your spell only gives a binary yes/no answer, and you invited _everyone_! It could be you and Rulue! It could be Sig's hand and Klug's book-demon! It could be Ringo and apples!"

"... All right, we'll call this a successful beta test. But we can refine the results further very easily!" And without warning, Satan grabbed Arle's wrist and teleported them both to Puyo Hell.

"What the _hell_!" Arle shrieked, yanking her hand back and leaping away from Satan. ("Guu!" Carbuncle guu'd in agreement.)

"_Soulmates Revealed!_" Obnoxious bells and confetti again. "Ha! I knew it! Nobody else is here! You truly are -!"

"Take! A! Hint! _Fire!_ I'm! Not! Interested! _Ice Storm!_ I don't! Even! Like you! _Bayoen!_"

Arle stood there seething for a few moments, while Satan lay there dazed. (Luckily, thanks to cartoon physics, we can safely assume no lasting injury was inflicted.)

"... Satan, this has gone on _way_ too long. I'm not being tsundere, or playing hard-to-get, or whatever else you think I'm doing. _I am not attracted to you in any way, shape, or form._ ... I'm not attracted to _anyone_, honestly. Just... for gods' sake, leave me alone and _move on_. _Warp._" And with that, she teleported herself and Carbuncle back home.

Arle flopped onto her bed, sighing in exhaustion and annoyance. "... It's not wrong that I blew up at him like that, right Carby? I mean, it's been _years_..."

"Guu-guu," Carbuncle guu'd firmly.

"Yeah, you're right. He's the one who's been a pest for years. And I thought he'd finally calmed down, too..." She sighed again. "But... what does it mean that I have someone so _intolerably obnoxious_ for a soulmate?" She picked up the scroll she had somehow held on to this whole time and inspected the circles once again. "It does legitimately detect the alleged soul bond and not, like, me _personally_, so it's not like the spell is a trick..."

Carbuncle closed his eyes for a moment. "_Guugu-guguu!_" And the obnoxious wedding bells went off again.

Arle laughed at the ridiculous display. "Of course. The obvious explanation." She hugged Carbuncle. "Glad to know my soulmate is someone I like after all."

* * *

**A few days later...**

"Hey, Satan!"

Satan cringed wildly. "D- don't hurt me! I didn't know you would be here!"

"I know, I know," Arle reassured him. "I sought you out, actually. Carby, head over there for a second."

"You... wish to speak to me in private? From even Carby?"

"Carby's absence in particular is important to this conversation." She traced another magic sigil, casting her modified version of the spell. "_Soulmates Revealed._"

_ **🎵 No! 🎶** _

"That's... not the negative result I programmed."

"No, I changed it. That horn riff is copyrighted, you know? You can't just stick any tune into your spells because you found it on the internet. I changed the positive too, since that was, y'know, super annoying. Carby, come demonstrate."

Carbuncle hopped back over into the range of the spell. "_Guugu-guguu~_"

_ **🎵 Yes! 🎶  
** _

"I see... it wasn't me, but Carby all along." Double-take. "Wait, what?"

"Remember a few days ago, when I said I'm not attracted to anyone? Well, specifically, I'm aro ace - that is, aromantic asexual. But the spell doesn't care about romance or sex, it cares about souls." Arle paused, lost in thought for a moment. "And y'know, since we have a sample size of one, it's possible that platonic soulmates are the _only_ kind."

Satan blinked. "That's... a very interesting question, actually." With a spark of brimstone, he summoned a notebook labeled _Soulmate Test Results_ and looked through it, occasionally drawing a line or two between some numbers.

"You know what _else_ is an interesting question? Consider: were Carby and I soulmates from the very beginning, or did the bond develop during our time together?"

"There really are so many interesting questions, now that we've confirmed soulmates do exist! There's so much research to do! Arle, if I -" Satan stopped and frowned. "No. That's wrong." He held up a hand. "I swear, solemnly and unconditionally, that I've come to my senses, and never again will I bother you with unwanted advances."

Magical promises aren't a thing in this continuity, so there was no flare of power confirming the oath. But Arle could tell that Satan was serious.

"Now. Arle, will you do magic science with me?"

Arle made a huge show of thinking about it. "Well, I do like doing magic science. And this _is_ a really interesting topic. What the heck, I'll sign on. Who else do you think might be interested?"

"Accord, certainly. Perhaps Schezo? Klug might be interested in the subject, but less so in collaborating properly..."

**Author's Note:**

> I'll let you all decide for yourself to what extent Carbuncle really is that insightful versus Arle just projecting on him sometimes.
> 
> ... I mean it's definitely _some_ of both, though.
> 
> Also, [I have a Discord server](https://discord.gg/6ZJ74Hc), if that strikes your fancy. Come and chat about writing.


End file.
